tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
