Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
