That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
