I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
