I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
