I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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