Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sober January is a disaster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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