I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
