Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
