I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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