i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
