yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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