I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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