that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
