she was so not down for the gang bang
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
