Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
