i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
