I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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