Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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