dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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