I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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