THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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