I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
