Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
