Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
