ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
