She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
