I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
