So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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