He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
