Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
