I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
