I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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