fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
