i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
