There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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