can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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