Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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