The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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