Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
