new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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