life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
