oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Will you blow on my dice?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
