i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize