Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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