i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
