i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
