tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
God, I missed his penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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