you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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