Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
