I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
