saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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