non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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