that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
