Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
