Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she pinky promised me she was 18
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
