I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
