I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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