I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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