Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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