I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize