Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
