Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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