I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
