hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
