No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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