i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
