it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
