It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
